A short reminder about what has transpired so far in the Crazy Daisy/Provo/Orem/ Faux Bradley Cooper story line:
Crazy Daisy is married to but separated from the smart and decent Provo. Provo has an evil goat-eyed twin named Orem, who sometimes pretends to be Provo to get Daisy in the sack. Conventional wisdom is that Daisy knows it’s Orem, but goes along with it because the sex is good. Daisy can be fooled, though, because she brought a date into Stenny’s a couple of months ago who she was convinced was Bradley Cooper.
This Thursday evening in the first week of March brings Daisy in, alone. Melissa is bartending, just as she was when Daisy was in with the faux Bradley Cooper.
“Hello Daisy,” Melissa says. “Welcome. Alone tonight?”
“Yes, all alone,” Daisy says, with unusual-for-her-equanimity.
Melissa knows she shouldn’t but says, “No Orem, no Provo, no Bradley Cooper?”
“I am free of all of them, and glad of it,” Daisy says.
“No hope for the marriage?”
“No, Provo has moved on from me permanently, and has in fact moved,” Daisy says, still calm.
“To Utah?” Melissa asks.
“No, I understand why you may think that, but he has moved to Vermont. His new girlfriend, I should say his new pregnant girlfriend moved there, and he followed.”
“Oh. That’s rough. Sorry, Daze,” Melissa says, sincerely.
“It’s perfectly all right. We were in very different places.”
Yeah, Melissa thinks. He was in Saneville and you were in Crazyland. She says, “What about Orem?”
“He moved too. He’s living with Provo and Deirdre. That’s the pregnant girlfriend.”
“Ooh, ugh,” Melissa says.
“Why do you say that?” Daisy asks.
“Don’t you think that’s creepy? What with Orem impersonating Provo on a regular basis?” Melissa sees Daisy’s blank look, identifies it (correctly) as being disingenuous, and says, “Come on, Daisy, we all knew.”
“It was a very complex situation,” Daisy says. “Twins have a special claim upon our attention.”
Melissa says, “That doesn’t sound like a sentence that a normal person, that any person, in this century would say.”
“It’s a quote from a behavioral genetic pioneer named Francis Galton in 1875,’” Daisy says.
“And you are quoting him why?”
“I am going back to school to study behavioral genetics.”
“Weren’t you going to be an arborist? Or did I hear you were going to take acting lessons? So you and Bradley Cooper could work together?”
“The arborist thing was just my way of branching out,” Daisy says. Melissa refuses to acknowledge the pun. “And it turns out that my date that night was not Bradley Cooper.”
“Nooooo!” Melissa says. “Really?”
Daisy recognizes the sarcasm, and says, “I’m sure you knew.”
“Yeah, I did,” Melissa says. “You should have, too, Daze.”
“It’s one reason I’m going back to school to study behavioral genetics.”
“So you can recognize Bradley Cooper impersonators? That’s a pretty extreme solution.”
“No, it turns out that Chad, that’s the guy’s name, was a 2nd cousin of Bradley Cooper’s. That’s how he fooled me. I sensed the genetic link,” Daisy says. “It’s fascinating.”
Melissa has had enough of this conversation. “What are you drinking?” she asks.
“Can I have a lager with a shot of tequila? I’m in the mood for a hybrid drink.”
Melissa, smart whip that she is, understands that Daisy is making a reference to genetics, but just says, “Coming right up.”